Hey there! I am a mom of three young kids, all under the age of six. Let me tell you, my perception of motherhood has changed drastically over the years. Expectation versus reality hit me hard. This is my advice for first time moms, this can be anyone thinking of conceiving, trying to conceive, expecting mamas, and moms in the early stages of motherhood.
1. Motherhood will look different for everyone
Ironic, considering I am writing a blog about my advice for moms, but something that I think is important to remember. The experiences and input of other mothers is invaluable. Supporting each other through this journey is key and in my opinion, one of the most precious parts of humanity. That said, I have found that no two people will have the same opinions on everything, much like anything else. Our experience as mothers is built on so many aspects of our life.
When you announce your pregnancy you will be met with excitement, congratulations, and the ever so wonderful “let me give you some advice”. I felt overwhelmed by everything I was told from seasoned mothers. The dos and don’ts of motherhood seemed like an impossible list to memorize. What I needed to have, what I should not “waste” my money on, and everything in between. The conclusion I finally came to: Hear it, respect it, take it with a grain of salt.
You will find your flow as a mom, it comes with time. Every mom is different. Every baby is different. I don’t say this to tell you not to listen to those sharing with you, because what worked well for them may definitely work well for you. I just want to reassure new moms that aside from loving and caring for your baby, there is no wrong way to do motherhood. Try what you want to try and avoid what you want to avoid. Trust your gut, mama.
2. Nothing is picture perfect
I am sure we have all seen the moms on social media that seem to have it all together all the time. The small glimpse into their life sets an almost impossible standard to reach and maintain. Remember that is what you are getting, a small glimpse. Nothing and no one is perfect 24/7.
At some point or another, your house will get messy, your laundry will get behind, and the organized life you may have lived pre-motherhood will feel unobtainable. When those moments of chaos hit, take a deep breath and remember that it is just a season. Do not judge your life based on what others choose to show you. I have spent a great part of my time as a mom learning to find the balance. Holding myself to a realistic standard and understanding that may look different from day to day.
Doing your best is enough. All you can do is all you can do. Grace goes a long way, for yourself and your fellow mamas.
3. You have to be a priority
I can tell you with absolute certainty that a majority of mothers will tell you that at some point they lost themselves in motherhood. The deep love we have for our children and household makes it easy to put everything else ahead of ourself.
Taking care of your physical and mental health will never be selfish. That is truly one of the most difficult things to accept. Keep up with your hygiene, do things that make you feel good, find a hobby, take a nap. There will always be an excuse to not do it. Mom guilt is absolutely real. Convincing ourselves that if we are not giving all of ourself every second of the day that we are failing. The emptier you let your cup get, the less you will be able to fill anyone else’s.
Happy kids have happy moms. Show your kids that they are important by treating yourself as important. If you find yourself in the bottom of the mom guilt trenches, find at least one obtainable thing you can do for yourself each day. You are important.
Motherhood is a journey that no one walks perfectly. I will always be supporting and cheering on other mamas. You have a friend here and someone that believes in you. Wishing the best to all the first time moms reading this!
Mekenzie